Agency Over Control: Choosing Your Response When Life Chooses the Circumstances
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concepts of agency and control. Do you think there’s a difference between the two? I do – and I believe the distinction is of greater importance than we often realize. We humans typically don’t like feeling “out of control” of our lives, and at this time in history there is so much we know we can’t control. I think that might be part of the reason we are collectively suffering so much right now – both because of the external circumstances we are facing and because of the reality we are forced to confront over and over again that there is so much about life we can’t control.
When life is moving quickly, we become more aware that we’re not completely in control.
Photo credit: p.m. graham
How agency and control differ from each other
I find myself saying in sessions these days (and very often saying to myself!), “You can’t control what anyone else does. What you can do is decide how to use your own agency to move forward.” In this statement lies an important distinction between agency and control. I view control as the effort to predict or influence the behavior of others. The desire for control contains a belief that if I can just figure out how to get someone else to do what I want them to do, I will have sufficient power over the outcome. Control is external – it is based on wanting to impact circumstances outside of myself and to somehow get what is outside of me to conform to my desires.
Agency, on the other hand, is internal. I view agency as the capacity to make choices about how I will behave, respond, and act even when external circumstances are beyond my control. Agency does not require anyone else – or anything else – to change. Instead, agency recognizes that I have the power to influence my internal responses and my behaviors, even if I am unable to fully impact external circumstances.
If you want to know more about the psychological concepts that underpin the ideas of agency and control, read the next section. If not, skip ahead to the following section – Agency versus Control in real life.
Background Psychological Concepts
These concepts are not new. In the 1950s, social psychologist Julian Rotter coined the term “locus of control” (Rotter, 1954) and theorized that some individuals tend toward an external locus of control, the belief that most outcomes in life are determined by circumstances outside of myself. I might believe that my life is impacted more by luck, fate, or the actions of others than by any traits I possess. Conversely, individuals who tend more toward an internal locus of control believe more strongly that their own actions, choices, and efforts are likely to impact their life outcomes.
The concepts of internal and external locus of control are not meant to describe the full truth of how our lives are most impacted. Instead, they are descriptors about how much we believe our lives are impacted by our external circumstances versus our own (internal) abilities and efforts. As a social worker, I was trained to consider the person in their environment. Person-in-environment (Richmond, 1917) is a key social work concept, recognizing that while individuals have their own (internal) traits, strengths, and challenges, they are also connected with and impacted by their surroundings, which might include factors such as their family, community, access to education and other resources, and a host of (external) factors that influence people’s lives and access to opportunities. This is closely related to the concept of nature versus nurture (Galton, 1874), which recognizes that while we might be born with some traits, other parts of our development will be heavily influenced by how we are taught and the opportunities we have as we go through life.
Based on these ideas, I believe that we all bring our own strengths and challenges to bear on our lives, and that these strengths and challenges are often influenced not just by innate traits we were born with, but also the circumstances that then shape our lives. Whether we develop an internal or external locus of control is also influenced both by traits we were born with (nature) and the beliefs and traits that develop under the influence of our family, community and experiences (nurture).
Agency versus Control in real life
There is a whole lot out there that we can’t control. Never can we ever control the ideas or the behaviors of others – especially the behaviors of other adults with their own ideas and choices to make. To be clear, this has always been true. But there are times in life when it is easier to believe we have more control over our external circumstances – and the behaviors of others - than we really do. When life is going well, it can be easier to believe that we are somehow “on top of things” and that we have some measure of control over what’s happening around us.
However, when life feels difficult and chaotic and fear and uncertainty set in, we quickly lose the illusion that we are in control of what happens around us, and we might feel powerless or hopeless. That might sound pretty grim – the idea that we don’t really have control over what happens around us. Here’s the good news, though: this is where the concept of agency comes into play. Agency says that even when we can’t control what’s happening around us, we can use our own choices, strengths, and resources to decide how we will move forward.
Agency can be hard to find when we feel afraid or uncertain.
Photo credit: p.m. graham
Agency and Control in relationships
For instance, I can’t control how someone I love treats me, but I do have agency to decide how I will show up in that relationship. If I believe a friend or family member is treating me poorly, I can decide whether to continue on as usual, speak up, leave the relationship, ask for support to decide how I can move forward in a different way, ask for someone else’s perspective on whether this is an acceptable way to behave in a relationship, etc. I can also choose how I will address my own feelings about another person’s behavior; I can decide what kind of support I need in whatever decision I make. I don’t have control, but I do have agency – the ability to decide how I will move forward regardless of whether the other person changes their behavior.
Agency and Control in politics
In another example, I can’t control how the federal government operates. But if I disagree with the current administration, I do have agency to decide how I will respond. I can choose to make calls, write letters, demonstrate, join like-minded communities, boycott, manage my news or social media intake, support others who are suffering under current policies and practices, and ask for support while I manage my emotions (which might be considerable and difficult at times).
Agency and Control in serious illness
I can’t control whether I or someone I love is diagnosed with a serious illness. It is extremely difficult to feel out of control when my life or the life of someone I love is at stake. Even in this life-altering set of circumstances, I do have agency to decide how I will respond to these circumstances. In many cases, I can explore treatment options and work with a healthcare team to decide what choices are best for me and my family. If the treatment options are limited or not the best choice for me, I can work with providers to explore comfort-directed care and end-of-life decisions. I can ask my providers questions about what different options might look like, and I can ask for support to explore and cope with my emotions while I go through this very challenging time.
Let me be clear in saying that none of this is easy. It can be very, very painful to feel out of control of our life circumstances. It is very, very painful to fear for our own safety or the safety of those we love. It is often very, very painful to leave or to significantly alter relationships that have been important to us. Recognizing our agency is not meant to be a “fix” for our most challenging times in life. Rather, noticing the places where we have agency is one strategy for reminding ourselves of our internal resources and the choices that remain for us to make even when some options are off the table.
Life can be a steep climb, and agency is about choosing your next step.
Photo credit: p.m. graham
Feel what you feel and still know you have agency
I know it’s very tough out there, friends. It’s always okay to feel your emotions and to recognize that there is a lot of suffering in this world. It’s okay (and important!) to notice injustice and to work to create safer and more just spaces for all of us in the ways that we can. It’s possible to grieve the circumstances where we don’t have control and also to notice our places of agency.
You can’t control everything - but you can choose your next step.
If you’re struggling, also see these posts for more information about combating moral distress and powerlessness, coping with collective grief, managing stress, and anchoring yourself when you feel unmoored. If you’re feeling stuck or are worried you might be dealing with a deeper mental health issue, please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or healthcare professional. You don’t have to do this alone.
